the fat girl

I am a fat girl. In June of 2009 I weighed 251 pounds. Ever since then I’ve been working hard at losing weight. And I’ve had some success. However I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal of 170 pounds. However it’s not my weight that makes me a fat girl.

I know that when we use the word “fat” we are usually talking about weight. If a person is overweight they are fat–synonyms. And for the most part I use it that way too.

But in my heart of hearts I operate with a second definition of fat that applies specifically to me. By this (my private) definition being a fat girl is actually not about the number on my scale. It is about my relationship with food.

I love food. And I don’t mean like a “foodie” loves food. A “foodie” enjoys the tasteful presentation of a finely prepared dish and the delicate combination of flavors that intrigue and delight the palate. No, I love food. I love to eat huge portions of high fat food until I’m past full and on to stuffed.

I always want to eat like that. Even when I’ve just had something to eat, I still want to eat. I think about food all the time. That is why I call myself a fat girl. I very well might get to my target goal and no longer be overweight but I seriously doubt that my thinking about food will change. If I succeed it will because I’ve found an effective way to deal with the way I think about food. That is the struggle for me.